DrinkWire is Liquor.com's showcase for the best articles, recipe and reviews from the web's top writers and bloggers. In this post, Max Longstone offers an assortment of Game of Thrones-inspired drinks.
“Winter is coming.”
“No s@#t, Stark. Why do you think I’m stocking up?” Bang, bang, slush, slush goes a casket of 80-proof icy insulation. “By the way, you’re a lousy weatherman. 6 years? Sooner or later you’re bound to be right, Ned. Now, let’s retire to one of Little Finger’s entertainment pavilions, lest you lose your head.”
Food has always been a leyline on which George R.R. Martin’s epic novels have dug their roots deep. In comparison, with its scantily clad HBO adaptation, the original script — which is the less than pompous way of saying “novels” — are the equivalent of a gourmand’s saucy skin magazine. Each author or producer letting their inner fetishes take hold of their rigid and stiff pens. Portly George imbibing of many tasty tarts, while Benioff is off on his tangent playing hide the screenplay with, well, other equally scrumptious tarts; flinging to the forefront of America their merry youthful obsessions… one, perhaps, partaking a bit too much of Hollywood Hill’s worldwide unclad export.
In this case, we're going down the epicurean highway; doing our level best by keeping our eyes on the road, mindful of the many hitchhikers, leggy and buxom, that may appear along the way. In other words, no naked bodies!
So, although we might not know much, at the very least we hope a bit more that John. But what little we’ve managed to glimpse of happiness normally comes paired with a spirit — in my case, tequila.
Mind you, a note from old Max: These aren’t makeshift or wild bivouacked constructions. These are confections plucked straight from the saga’s pages and adapted from recipes of ye olden days.
Easy Mulled Wine
“The Old Bear was particular about his hot spiced wine. So much cinnamon and so much nutmeg and so much honey, not a drop more. Raisins and nuts and dried berries, but no lemon, that was the rankest sort of southron heresy…”
— A Clash of Kings
- 1 bottle of cheap red wine
- 1/2 tablespoon of Poudre Douce (spicy Medieval powder) or 3 spoonfuls of honey
- A handful of dried cranberries, raisins and almonds
Bring the Costco reject to a simmer and toss everything else in. Cook for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally, drink it up in a mug — NOT a glass.
More Advanced Mulled Wine
- 1 small orange
- 20 whole cloves
- 2 bottles of wine (Shiraz or Cabernet)
- 3 cups orange juice (pulp free)
- Cinnamon to taste (stick form)
- 1 tablespoon of nutmeg
- 2 tablespoons of fresh ginger
- 3 tablespoons of honey
- 4 brimming tablespoons of sugar
- 1/4 cup of lemon juice
- 1 shot of brandy, cognac or strong port
Slice the orange in halves and stuff the cloves in. Now, toss everything into a giant pot and bring the whole concoction to a simmer. Stir occasionally. Do not boil. Let it soak up the heat for 5 minutes, then reduce the flame to a minimum; keep cooking for 45 minutes.
Shade of the Evening
“Hear and see the truths..”
— A Clash Of Kings
Made from the leaves of trees, planted just outside of the House of the Undying in Quarth, this thick, blue liquid is the equivalent of riding the white dragon — which in Games Of Thrones is taken to a rather bewildering level of exactitude — while seeing a baby crawl up a fecally festooned wall.
As such, unless you’re a warlock or a capo in some spotty cartel, we will have to improvise and alter this DEA-frowned-upon preparation.
- 5 oz blue curaçao or creme de Violette
- 2 oz lemon-lime soda
- 1 oz of high-proof absinthe (to get that cloudy sorcerer effect)
- 1 oz of triple sec
Pour the absinthe and the triple sec into a shaker, and fill with ice. Get in a conga line with your shaker and move that booty. Move the booty. Call your boss and tell him you’ll be sick for a day or two. Decant the mixture into a tall glass. Wave reality off… and get ready to visit Neptune!
Tyroshi Pear Brandy
“I have sweet reds, from Lys and Volantis and the Arbor. White from Lys, Tyroshi pear brandy, fire wine, pepperwine…”
— A Game Of Thrones
- 1 cup of water
- 1 cup of sugar
- 3 to 4 ripe pears
- 1 bottle of brandy
Make a syrup by mixing the water and sugar over a medium-high heat. Allow the mixture to cool. Slice the pears, taking extra attention to core them. Combine the pears, the syrup and the brandy in a clean 2-quart jar with a lid. Cover the jar and place it in a dark corner or closet (do not refrigerate). Let it age for 1 to 3 months.
Wine of Courage
Created by the Astapori and given to the Unsullied at every meal, this brew numbs the nerves and narcotizes the drinker making him more complacent and less fearful.
Crack open your pantry 'cause you are going to need the following household ingredients: nightshade, bloodfly larva, black lotus, Milk of the Mother (opium) and coke (and not the one that comes in a bottle).
So, let’s scratch that one off the list and replace it with cheap tequila; it manages the same result.
“Irish” Ice Green Minty Drink
“Slave girls scurried through light and shadow, bearing flagons of ale and wine and some iced green drink that smelled of mint…”
—A Dance of Dragons
- a cup of brandy or whiskey
- 1/2 tablespoon of loose green tea
- 4 cups of boiling water
- 1/4 cup of honey
- 1 cup of mint leaves
- Lemongrass stalks to taste
Pour all the tasty ingredients into the boiling water and steep for 4 to 7 minutes. Simple and to the point.
Cast off your medieval Mad Max motley, chuck all courtly clashes onto the curve, and lift up your latest libations to liberal ladies and leafless lads, and join forces under the banner of the House of Longstone. When the White Walkers come for us, we’ll be too dazed and confused to even give a fig; invite them over for some fiery Sambuca shots.
The seal of this venerated and regal kingdom? A giant pink elephant with a shifty gaze and an assault rifle. That last bit just to throw off the Starks and the Lannisters.
“Double our vision see, trice on mezcal.”