There are many questions that stand the test of time. These are quandaries that last eon after eon, being debated by the greatest minds each generation has to offer.

“Are we alone in the universe?”

“Is there a God?”

“Can morality really be treated as something that’s a part of the natural world, or have we simply  tried to apply our own twisted world view on to the immutable, uncaring laws of the universe?”

“Can you craft a cocktail with a malt liquor base that doesn’t taste like swamp water siphoned out of a dead hooker’s ass?”

Part of Rene Descartes lesser-known work "The Ontological Argument for the Chrissy from Kappa Kappa Sig Totally Wanting the D"

Part of Rene Descartes lesser-known work “The Ontological Argument for Chrissy from Kappa Kappa Sig Totally Wanting the D”

Seriously. We’re going down this road.

Malt liquor is mainly known for it’s ability to enact a really cheap drunk, making it popular for the homeless, unemployed, alcoholics, and annoying college students who confuse casual racism as the heigh of clever witticism.

“No way this could be considered racist, right gang?”

But, genuinely, we have a somewhat perverse if not that unusual desire to see good things come out of the horrible. We have a chef friend whose favorite after-hours thing is to buy a bunch of crap from the Bodega around the corner and try to make gourmet dishes or desserts using only those ingredients.

Consider this the Convenience Store Gourmet of cocktails.

We are going to take a slew of the most famous malt liquors (Colt 45, Mickey’s, Olde English) and put them through their paces. Then we’re going to take a look at some of the newer malt liquors that try to claim to not be malt liquors, but in actuality really are (Steel Reserve, Earthquake).

Join us, won’t you?

After all, it works every time.

After all, it works every time.